Souhlas je pro všechny!

Consent /Johana Nejedlová/

Sexual violence is a topic that is increasingly resonating in society. Cases of powerful predators are coming to light, many are losing their jobs and social status, some end up in court and behind bars. Women who have experienced rape are no longer silent. But we still lack an open discussion about sexual violence against LGBTQ+ people. Yet research data tells us that lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people are more at risk of sexual violence than cis people and heterosexual women. However, research data that comprehensively examines the issue of violence against LGBTQ+ people in the Czech Republic is still lacking. Data from the United States say that:

• 44% of lesbian and 61% of bisexual women have experienced rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, compared to 35% of heterosexual women.
• 26% of gay men and 37% of bisexual men have experienced rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, compared to 29% of heterosexual men.
• 46% of bisexual women have been raped, compared to 17% of heterosexual women and 13% of lesbians.
• 22% of bisexual women have been raped by an intimate partner, compared to 9% of heterosexual women.
• 40% of gay men and 47% of bisexual men have experienced sexual violence other than rape, compared to 21% of heterosexual men.

Due to stigma, LGBTQ+ people may face greater fears about disclosing their experiences of sexual violence or seeking help in cases of sexual harassment, rape and partner violence. This is compounded by a lack of sex education, which rarely talks about what a respectful (sexual) relationship looks like and often only considers heterosexual relationships. In the 7 years that I have been working in the field of sexual violence prevention, I have been confided in by dozens of queer people who have experienced or even perpetrated sexual violence themselves. However, those who have experienced sexual violence often felt that they had just experienced something that made them extremely uncomfortable and were reluctant to talk about rape. They also often felt that they had caused the violence themselves.

I remember a man in his thirties telling me about his first sexual experience. He wasn’t even 18 yet and he met an older man on a dating site. They met at the older man’s home, but the younger man himself didn’t know what to expect from the encounter or what he wanted from the situation. Gradually, he began to realise that he was not ready for sex, and repeated this to the man several times, but the man eventually forced him to have sex with him. He didn’t force him, but with constant persuasion (You’ll see, you’ll like it), reproaches (You can’t just come to me and then refuse me), taunts (You’re acting like a little kid, I thought you were more mature) and pressure. Many other experiences I’ve heard over the years have sounded similar.

So how do you recognize sexual violence and how not to be part of the problem?

We just need to make sure we have consent for all sexual activities with others. Most of us routinely practice consent, and it’s not rocket science. When you invite someone to the movies, you can tell they don’t want to go with you even if they don’t say a clear no. Just as it is easy to understand non-consent for invitations to the movies and other everyday situations, it should be easy to understand non-consent for sexual activities.